What now?

Only 3 days in to my supposed re-start and I'm already waining. Don't really know why. I bought size 12 pants last night so I should be thrilled - it should give me the incentive to keep going... but it isn't. I have been on the scales every day - bad idea but I'm doing it anyway. I have gone from 72.4 Monday to 71.9 Tuesday to 70.9 this morning - another great incentive to keep going - but it isn't.

I haven't succumbed yet though..... yet.

I have an elderly friend in hospital due for open heart surgery this morning. Kinda brings my mortality into focus. I hate hospitals. I hate seeing people I love in there. I hate seeing them down and dejected, pain and worry in their eyes. Such a happy go lucky man reduced to a weak and frightened shadow of himself. His loved ones around him physically and mentally drawn and exhausted. I'm not generally religious and never go to church, but I pray that he's OK.