MeSane, Yousane, HeSane, WhoSane?

Meltdowns are becoming more regular.  Got a list of excuses a mile high for them (not enough sleep, too much work, can't switch off, etc etc ad nauseum!)

All the reasons for my emotional behaviour seem so rational at the time.  I carefully analyse my reasoning, having the conversations in my head, any possible objections shot down in flames.

I finally break and admit my defeat. His responses so clear, so concise.  Completely opposing and also completely rational. My own reasoning crumbling before my very eyes.

I suddenly feel foolish, my folly becoming obvious, my horse of rationale bolting for the door.

Why is it that when other people seek advice from me, I can see their predicament with complete clarity, their sometimes distorted visions glaringly obvious. Both sides of the story generally in panoramic view.

My reasoning this time? The heart is the twisted sister, obscuring the eyes from all that is evident. Only when the mind is clear from the heart's rose coloured spectacles can it truly see.

Bloody B Dubs!

This happens to me a lot. I know I only got a likkle car, but sheesh!

So I am in the right hand lane, about halfway through overtaking a b-double truck, or I am travelling alongside one on the freeway.

When you are about parallel with the middle of their extra long load, they will indicate to want to be in my lane.

I have a panic attack. Sometimes I think I could wee myself.

What's the etiquette here?  I'm in the middle of them, so I either have to speed up to get past them, or slam on the brakes so they go past me and hope that any guys behind me are paying attention.

Why do they always have to do it when I am in the middle?

(x marks the spot where I usually am when they start indicating!!!)

The wonders of Stupidity

I have been meaning to post this for a while.  Finally got it transferred from my phone

And for those smart asses - yes I know I shouldn't be driving while I have a mobile in my hand, but I think my bending the law can be overlooked in view of the sheer incredible lunacy of their actions.

Marketing Imagination

So, I get a special offer to purchase some JVC earphones at a discount.  Various colours available.  Those Kooky marketing execs have gone the extra mile and selected a fruit to go with the colour:

I was imagining the conversation around the whiteboard:

BOSS: "So, we got 9 colours - and we need something fruity to go with them.... any suggestions?"
EXEC1: "Well we got Lemon Yellow, Lime Green"
BOSS: "Lemon Yellow ok, but lime's too obvious - anything else.."
EXEC2: "Erm.... Kiwi?"
BOSS: "Perfect! - now what about red....Strawberry or Raspberry?"
EXEC1: "Erm, Strawberry, cause traditionally Raspberry is Blue"
EXEC2: "Yeah, but Raspberries aren't REALLY blue are they - lets be different... we'll go with Raspberry Red.."

EXEC1: "But then what about the Blue?"

EXEC2: "Well, we got Blueberries?"

EXEC1: "That's even more obvious!... what else ya got?"

EXEC2: "Errrrr... Peppermint?"

BOSS: "Interesting, not really a fruit, but certainly confectionary... Hmmmmm - I like it!"

EXEC1: "So, if we're keeping away from the obvious, what are we going to call the orange one?  An orange is just orange?"

EXEC2: "Well, there are different types or oranges, what about blood orange?"

EXEC1: "yuk, too Vampiric, what about Valencia"

BOSS: "ooooooh, that's GREAT!  What's left?"

EXEC2: "Erm, we got the Black, White, Purple"

EXEC1: "OK, Do we want Plum or Grape for Purple?"
EXEC2: "Grapes are green"
EXEC1: "They can be purple"
EXEC2: "Aren't they called red grapes... like red wine?"
BOSS: "Yeah, but they are more purple than red really... I'm liking Grape, we'll go with that.  Now, what's Black?"
EXEC1: "Raisins, Prunes?"
EXEC2: "That's dried fruit, doesn't count!"
EXEC1: "Is Olive a fruit or vegetable?"
EXEC2: "It's a fruit - But hardly fruity or "gummy" - wouldn't Licorice be better?"
BOSS: "Olive is perfect! Well done! - got anything for white?"
Silence for about 5 minutes, other than the humming of a projector....
EXEC2: "Spearmint?"
EXEC1: "We already got a mint...."

EXEC2: "Milk?"

EXEC1: "Hardly fruity..."

EXEC2: "well, neither is Olive, but you got that one thru..."

BOSS: "Coconut Milk!... Yes, coconut - Fantastic!"

*Smug grin*

BOSS: "So, that's it, well done chaps!"

EXEC1: "Erm, we forgot Pink..."

BOSS: "Dammit! Pink, what's pink?"

EXEC2: "well, we could go really exotic with this one, like Guava, Dragonfuit, or Pink Grapefuit, or theres...."

EXEC1: "Peach?"

EXEC2: "Peach????"
EXEC1: "Peach"
EXEC2: "But peaches are peach colour, not pink"
EXEC1: "There are sorta pinky peach, like a baby's bum"
EXEC2: "But the headphones are a vibrant pink, an exotic pink, they are just crying out for something tropical"
BOSS: "Oh, Peach will do, I gotta get off and do the school run anyway"
EXEC2: "But..."
BOSS: "Great job guys, let's go..."

How I get Sidetracked and Repulse myself.

So I'm doing the Global Corporate Challange right, and I get an e-mail from one of my team members.

He is a huge show-off, knocking up 30,000 + steps in 1 day and telling everyone about it, putting my measly 11,000 steps to shame.

Anyhoo, he is taking credit for putting up a picture of the A-Team on our team page.  The fact that we called our team the A team the fact that he put it up there seemed a bit of a no-brainer, but I did admire the fact that he used a pic of the old A-Team, not the new One. (pic he posted above)

His E-mail was thus:
That photo is my doing. I wanted to get Mr T in there and make it clear that Rampage Jackson has no place in...well anything. He's a rubbish fighter.

This started my intrigue, and my ever wandering mind began to investigate.  I assumed from the e-mail that this was the "new" Mr T - but was unsure of his origins so went to trusty IMDB to investigate.
Sure enough,  BA Baracus is being played by an ex-wrestler.  Cheesy or wot! Having said that, he does seem to fit the bill.
I then noticed this news article, which enticed me enough to find out more...
Which brought me to discover that some of the original A-Team cast were playing cameos in the new one. KOOL methinks - then goes to investigate which ones.

My favourite character was Howling Mad Murdoch, cause he made me laugh, and I had a crush on Face.
They both appear in the new movie - yippee!
I go through their profiles:  Dwight Schultz appears to be favouring being away from the cameras these days, preferring to specialise in voice overs - the list is almost endless!
Then check out my fav, Dirk Benedict - profile main picture doesn't make him look any older, would be keen to find out what he looks like now, surely he must have changed a little bit... checked his date of birth.

OMG!

He was born in 1945 - that makes him 65 - the same age as my DAD! eeeeewwwww! I had a crush on someone who was my dad's age! He is approaching retirement age!
I feel dirty!

A Question for Spammers

Are you still making money from your wicked ways?  Does investing in those awful autobots and phishing tools make it worth your while?

Surely the odds are these days that if your e-mails manage to fight past the firewalls and spam filters and junk folders, the best they get is a click of the delete button.

Are there still people out there that are stupid enough to click on your links for penis enlargements and hot lusty women?

The pitfalls of Facebook

• You can't bitch about your "friends" without them finding out
• Some people "share" too much
• It tells your employer that you were on FB instead of working

Room 101

Gossip Columnists

I'm tired of hearing about Tiger Woods. I couldn't give a crap how many women he had his 5iron in.

I don't care that Angelina ripped Brads shirt in an argument. They can afford to buy him a new one.

and the less said about Paris Hilton the better.

WE DON'T CARE!

I would like to hear about REAL news, about heroic "ordinary" people who should be recognised for their gallant, brave deeds or their long but tireless struggles to make this world a better place.  I don't wanna hear about bimbos that are only famous because they let their boyfriends tape their sex acts.

I love Bandwagons!

Jumped right onto the latest Bandwagon....

yup... I'm a twitterer now.

.... and you can follow me here

If ya got any other Bandwagons I can jump on ... let me know....

.. otherwise... jump on board!

Hi!

I've been staring at a blank post for about 20 mins, trying to think of something to say.

Can't think of anything.

So, HI!

Here's a cute pic.

and no.. not my dog.. he's never as cute as this! :)

Room 101

Trams

They are slow, annoying and driving down a road with tram tracks scares the hell out of me.
... also I have only travelled on them twice and both times I was groped.

Nadal's Annoying Habit

Went to the tennis on Thursday.. Awesome day out... except a little tiny thing bugged me.....

Nadal's Undies..

Every point was the same... every serve the same routine... get 3 balls from the ballboys.. hits one back.... puts one in his pocket, bounces the ball on the ground with his racket... picks his undies out of his ass... serves..

Nads, honey... if you are gonna get sponsorship from Nike, don't worry about the amount of $$$ they offer you... make sure they give you comfy undies... a wedgie is very unattractive when you pick it out... especially when you do it EVERY SINGLE TIME in front of a few thousand people in the arena.. and a few million! on TV.

Go see Pat Rafter... he swears by his comfy undies :)

Room 101

This is gonna sound terribly ungrateful, but toiletry gift sets, bath gift sets, pedicure gift sets etc etc, should just be banned for life.

Not only is it a subtle attack on my personal hygiene, but then I have my dilemmas:-

1) How do I use sparkly bath bubbles in a creative way, in view of the fact that I never have a bath (I always shower... and although most people find them relaxing, I find them kinda boring and even verging on the disgusting... being that I am sitting in water which in turn is now tainted with my own filth)

2) How do I creatively re-use the rather useless basket/wire tray it came in?

3) If I fail to find creative re-uses, which poor sucker do I re-gift it to next year?

Let's just cross these off the gift lists, then no-one has to worry about what they are getting from me next year!

Room 101

Detours

They drag you the long way round the world, just because the work-men want their 15th daily ciggy break in piece....

You'd think the LEAST they could do is make sure that they put signs up to tell you which way to go!!!!!

Room 101

Why are slugs such pests? Don't they have homes to go to??????

Room 101

Fat

OK, this is purely strategic... If we put fat into Room 101, then we can't eat it, which means I won't have a lard ass. Win/win if you ask me.

Room 101

Lunchtime Queues

Hey there Bank Managers and Post Office Owners.. here's a RADICAL new idea for ya to prevent lots of thoroughly pissed off customers attending your premises at lunchtime....

HAVE MORE STAFF ON THE COUNTERS AT LUNCHTIME

Jeez, betchya wish you'd thought of that don't ya!

nuff said

Quick Question

Does tomato count towards my 5 serves of veggies or my 2 serves of fruit????

True Meaning of Car Sales Ads

One Lady Owner
- Stilletto grooves in the drivers seat foot well. Never had an oil change.

Immaculate Paintwork
- Claimed all the parking dents on Insurance

Sports Edition
- I painted a black stripe down the side and drilled a hole in the exhaust.

Refurbished Engine
- Tried to fix the crack in the engine block with super-glue.

Absolute Bargain
- I want rid of it before it breaks down on the freeway and I have to pay for roadside assist.

One Careful Owner
- I'll be careful not to tell you have many new bumpers it's had.

Few Rust Spots
- It looks brown, but it's actually white.