I'm not worthy!

My rantings are pale in significance compared to those of the morning radio show I listen to. Ian "Dicko" Dixon has now made it a daily outburst on Vega 91.5, and it's hilarious.

You can download the podcasts of the show and have a listen for yourself. This mornings rave (called Dicko Fires One Off) in particular about a saying he doesn't like had me laughing out loud in the car. Add to that Chrissie's raucous guffaws in the background and it's enough to set anyone off to a great start!

I'm extremely humbled and very jealous of his scarcastic razor sharp wit. I only hope my occasional whining is at least half as entertaining. I will be listening intently for guidance.

Things you here in passing

It can raise a few eyebrows and make you wonder when you walk past someone
and overhear them say:-

".... Cucumbers the size of cricket bats......"

Hmmm... wonder what they were talking about and how they got on to the
subject...

Quote for the Day

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.
You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
- Albert Camus

Story Virus

You can check out the what, where and why HERE, save me writing it all out again!!! ;)

Here's my bit.

.....................................................................

I must have blacked out. I woke with a really sore elbow and a head so fuzzy it felt like I'd consumed a bottle of tequila, including the worm. The room was glowing. It hurt my eyes and made my "hangover" worse.

A voice, really far away at first so I couldn't make out the words... or was it a foreign language? The voice took it's time to become audible (coherant?) "Ah, you back with us I see. Congrats!"

"Huh?" was all a could manage.

"You had me worried for a minute there. We often have excited winners, but never so excited they hyperventilate!"

"Huh uh" I said. It was meant to be 'who are you?' 'what are you?' and 'Where am I?' all at once.

It seemed to understand anyway. "That's the least of your worries. Here, put these on.. they'll help with the pressurisation."

He handed me a pair of fluffy ear muffs.

..........................................................

Ok, now your turn. I'm choosing RFDuck and MissMeliss

Now there's an idea

Do you find it annoying when you have to add a few figures up on a calculator, then have to write down that number so you can deduct it from another figure?

Why don't they have a "deduct from" key? So you can add 2+6+5+3 = 16 "deduct from" 50 = 34. so much quicker and easier than having to remember the number you need, or having to write it down.

(the above is an example only. I don't really need a calculator to do such a simple sum - honest!!!!)

It's not just Big Brother who's watching

Just had to post this. Very poignant, very disturbing, and so, so very true!

but....why??!?

There's this ad on TV for Airwick, and there is just one thing that really REALLY bugs me about it...

Check it out here

...except at the end of the Aussie one (which has a much nicer voice by the way) she says "one of the drawbacks of being mother to a centipede I suppose"

Now in what crazy world could an elephant EVER give birth to a centipede!!!!!

And what species was the father for crying out loud?.. In what Biology class did they teach that Blue Tongued Lizard + Elephant = centipede! whoah!

From the Universe

Indeed, anything is possible. Anything and everything! Yet it takes wisdom to understand that the potential for all things happening is not equally distributed.

Life has a rhythm; there's already momentum. The world has needs and expectations as do you, creating some likelihoods that are vastly more predictable and smaller in number (though still infinite) than others. And for those who see this and work within these "likelihoods," dancing to their own beat within life's greater rhythm, heaven shall appear at their feet and abundance shall come as easily as breathing.

Alakazam,
The Universe

p:s. I meant "heaven" metaphorically

Monday's a Bitch

Tabloid Fodder

1. If you could interview any person, living or dead, who would you choose?
Brandon Lee. His story, along with that of his father, Bruce Lee, absolutely facinates me. Besides, he's hot! (or was)
2. If you only got two questions, what would you ask?
How true was the movie of his father's life? What are his favourite memories of his father?
3. What's your favourite talk show?
Don't normally watch them.. guess I would have to say, Parkinson. He always has a great rapport with his guests.
4. If you come across a link leading to a news story regarding the latest celebrity scandal, how likely are you to click it?
Very unlikely. I am sooooo over Brittany, TomKat, Brangelina etc that I am just not interested any more... Unless they had murdered someone... then I'd be clicking frantically!!!!!
5. Do you think that for you, fame and fortune would be an equal trade for the loss of privacy that comes with it?
Hey, you can't have everything you're own way. Everything has it's price. I think it's a fair trade. If you wanna be famous, you have to take the rough with the smooth.

coincidence?

You ever think about someone, then they ring you?

Been meaning to contact someone, then they contact you?

It's happened to me twice this week. Cool huh!

4am thought

Are we are own worst enemies when it comes to Evolution? Insects and
animals naturally adapt to any changes in their environment... but we insist
on correcting any "anomalies". If our children are born "different" then we
insist on putting things right, making them "normal", like everyone else.

What if these "defects" are not that at all, but are the natural evolution
to our ever changing environment, to the climate change that we constantly
debate about. By changes these "errors" in birth maybe we are simply
halting what could potentially be our next means of survival.

Deep huh!

Footnote:
That thought came without the use of drugs or alcohol.

Room 101

Apathy

It's what frustrates me the most. People complain about their job, their
home, their friends, their family. They get upset when things don't go as
they hoped. They sit around waiting for things to get better, for things to
change.

Doesn't matter how much you shake them, shout at them, plead with them...
they still fail to realise that the reason they feel stagnant is because
they are not going anywhere! They need action, drive, motivation! They say
good things come to those who wait - whoever said that was apathetic and a
liar! Good things come to those who get off their ass and get it for
themselves!

Move it or lose it peeps!

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?
Track :: and Trace
Snake :: Slither
Assignment :: Work
Blockbuster :: Video
Bombastic :: Shaggy!
Adventure :: Playground
First time :: Virginity
Aged :: Vino
Grip :: Tabs
Shortcut:: Quick path

Tagged!

A) The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
B) Each player answers the questions about himself or herself.
C) At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
So here goes…

1. Ten years ago I was:
Jeez I dunno, I'm crap at trying to put things in chronological orders... 7/5/1998. well it would have been my birthday so guess like today I would be pretending that it was no big thing, but secretly hoping everyone would make it a REALLY big thing. I was working in a call centre for an Insurance company at the time, living in Liverpool, and probably by then planning my wedding...
2. Five things on today’s to do list:
Take jewellery boxes into work for colleague, take C to the dentist, finish a report at work, paperwork for my finance application, book a dinner table for the weekend.
3. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire:
Open my own boutique/gift shop, Buy my family houses and cars, travel to all the places of the world I wanted to visit, invest in niche companies and develop new ideas and inventions (I have often had ideas of businesses/shops but I can't think of them at the moment!)
4. Three bad habits:
I pick my nose in the car, I swear a lot in front of my son, I don't say no when I should do.
5. Five places I’ve lived:
Maghull (Liverpool, UK), Walkley (Sheffield, UK), Yeadon (Leeds, UK), Otley (Leeds/Bradford District, UK), Narre Warren (Melbourne, Aus)
6. Six jobs I’ve had in my life:
Delicatessen assistant in supermarket, Barmaid, Avon Lady, Trainee Insurance Broker, Debt Recoveries Officer, Fleet Manager.

OK, I’d like to tag… Jennie Boo!
Thanks to John for my tagging, that's the last time I let you join in with my ass jokes ;)

Quirky Tuesday

Watched "How to look good naked" last night and have one question...

Why does it take a Gay Guy to make a "Fat" Chick feel sexy????????

No wonder there is sooooo much wrong with the world today!

From the Universe

There are no accidents.

If it's appeared on your life radar, this is why: to teach you that dreams
come true; to reveal that you have the power to fix what's broken and heal
what hurts; to catapult you beyond seeing with just your physical senses;
and to lift the veils that have kept you from seeing that you're already the
person you dreamed you'd become.

And believe me, that was one heck of a dream.

Tallyho,
The Universe

Kitty Capers

4am......

Bright Light... tap at the window... he's here! My heart skips a beat, my ears can't help but twitch.. eyes bright in anticipation. I bolt to our meeting place.

He sits, watches. I sit, stare. Only a thin sheet of glass separating us from our love. Eyes glaring, tails flickering. Thoughts rushing wildly through my mind.

Mistress not happy. Mistress annoyed. Calls him a pest and shoo-s him away. My love disappears in a flash of light, into the dark.

I'll wait for him to return.

Cancerass

Mr Conspiracy has struck again. He told me today that they have now got definitive evidence that mobile phones cause cancer. He says that when the phone is to your ear the antenna is facing away from you, so it's not too bad, but he noticed that I carry my phone in my back pocket and suggested that the dangerous rays can penetrate through my skin.

Two things disturb me about this discussion:-

1. He was obviously checking out my ass to notice that my phone was there.


2. If the radiation rays can penetrate my fat ass to give me cancer, then heaven help the rest of the nation.. we're all doomed - doomed I tells ya!

Just ask Mr Conspiracy......